Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Too Much Cheese!

I cannot believe that I neglected to mention this with my other Halloweekend posts. On Halloween night, or more accurately 11/1 morning, our crew went to Clarke's (930 W. Belmont, open 24 hours) to conclude our evening with some diner food. I ordered some sort of egg, potato, and bacon skillet, and from what I recall, it was pretty solid. I always like eating eggs with plenty of tobasco, which was dutifully provided. However, this post really is not about the food. Rather, it is about the absurdity that took place at the table next to ours.

A group of four college-age girls were sitting next to us. Apparently one of these drunken ladies ordered extra cheese on whatever she was ordering. The waitress informed her that it would cost $2.50 extra, and the girl went ahead with this request. The food came out with extra cheese, and the girl ate it without so much as a comment to the waitress about the cheese quantity. As with every meal, the check came out at the end of the meal. Although this seemed to be a straightforward transaction, the cheese girl objected to paying the extra $2.50 on the grounds that there was "too much and too many kinds of cheese." In a panic, the girls summoned the waitress to voice her concerns over the $2.50 charge. The waitress explained that she told her it would cost extra and she at the whole thing, so there was nothing she could do about it. Apparently this explanation was not satisfactory to them, and they demanded to see the manager. Now the hornets nest was poked. When the manager arrived, the girls opened the flood gate of cheese-related concerns, throwing out wild accusations and never even attempting to make a logical point. The manager, perhaps sick of dealing with drunk college kids all night, pretty much told them to, and I'm paraphrasing, screw themselves. The manager stormed, yes stormed, off, leaving the girls in an angry and bewildered state. They loudly discussed the unfair cheese situation amongst themselves and plotted their next move.

Being the jerks that we are, Michelle offered to pay for their cheese if they would just stop talking. Apparently it was not about the money though. It was about the principle, nay the right, of women everywhere being free from the evil grasp of unwanted cheese being forced upon them. These crusaders valiantly threw the money back on our table. Apparently after much consternation, these warriors, left with no other options, paid their bill, no doubt heading home to write their local congressman. As they departed this ugly scene, they began hurling insults upon everyone within earshot, including our semi-innocent table. Pipes, inquisitively shouted a question about their lack of boyfriends, I asked if they would like to make $5 the hard way. Vu fell over laughing in his corn beef & hash. If they came in with a bang, they exited with a whimper.

The story; however, does not end there. The cheese haters, apparently forgetting their earlier confrontation with the manager, called in to complain to the manager about their ill treatment and to demand satisfaction. When the manager replied that she already talked to them about this situation, they demanded to talk to either her manager or Clark himself (who may or may not actually exist). Apparently they didn't realize that this is a small diner that would clearly not have any sort of supervisory chain in place at 5:00a.m. on a Sunday. The battle was lost. I'm sure a lawsuit is in the works, and we can only hope it is successful, because in the year 2009, women should not be subjected to eating cheese that they ordered.

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